1,000 bucks.” This is Christmas, not an Italian wedding. Uncle Vito isn’t gonna slip you an envelope in between stints at the raw bar. We put thought into our gifts here. You want cash? Clear the spiders out of the attic. I’ll give you three bucks for it. A thousand dollars. Jesus Christ. I’m sorry, but you cannot have this.
"A new canape that glows up." So, like, a glowing miniature crabcake with a toothpick in it? I could maybe do that. MAYBE. Sounds like something Saige the doll might eat.
A black, light blue, green, purple, and pink North Faces.” FIVE North Face jackets, a hundred bucks each? Dream smaller. When did North Face jackets become hot again? Did you also want an autographed copy of Phish’s Hoist? That is apparel meant for serious outdoorsmen who dangle from belayed ropes on the south face of the K2. The outdoorsiest we get is when we roll down the window at the fucking Wendy’s drive through. You cannot have this.
"All of the Beanie Babies."
via thebluehour: itslikek
I love a good parenting blog. This list is pretty hilarious.